He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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