6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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