Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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