Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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