it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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