My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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