i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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