Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
