did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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