we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
