If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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