Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
