The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
