we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
