OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
