lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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