Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
