I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
