i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you had me at cake vodka
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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