it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
