$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
