I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
