quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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