some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
