She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
