I think I died a long time ago.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
