If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
