D3 body, D1 cock
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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