We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
