Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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