All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
