then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
