If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
