your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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