how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
