I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
