i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
