That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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