i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
