She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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