I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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