Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
