Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
