so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
