dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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