She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My ATM looks so different sober.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
