Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Randomize
