they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
