We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
