She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
